Be a Burden

We were not created to do life alone. God looked at His creation and said "it is good" with one exception: it was absolutely not good for man to be alone. So God made someone with whom he could 'do life'. Then, God Himself joined them in walking in the garden and enjoying all that the creation around them offered. Over and over in the Bible, God stresses that He designed us to love and support each other. We are directed (not asked) to live in community - to be known, to encourage, to support, to share burdens and trials, and to celebrate joys.

When I was labouring with my second child, things went really badly towards the end and she ended up being delivered via emergency c-section. But then thing got worse - my uterine artery was severed and I was bleeding out in a seriously dangerous way. It was a critical situation and I have only very vague memories of it as I lost consciousness soon after the code blue was called. I had to have four blood transfusions in the theatre just to keep me alive as they were desperately trying to find the source of the bleed and then repair it. During all of this was happening, our newly born little girl stopped breathing and was whisked down to NICU. Thankfully we were in exceptional care and my situation became under control thanks to the steady surgical hands of the obstetrician and the donations of selfless blood donors. But I still hadn't met my little girl and it would still be a while before I could hold her in my arms. In the middle of that first night, as I lay awake in the dark of the night - with an empty womb and empty arms - my heart was heavy with grief and fear and questions and loneliness. In a place of desperate hopelessness, I called a friend and begged her to pray. To pray for my baby girl not yet held; to pray for me to remain stable and be able to still breastfeed despite the enormous amount of blood lost; to pray for my husband who had returned home to care for our first born in the midst of this nightmare; to pray for my aching desire to be united with my child; to pray to pray to pray. And she did for the rest of the night.

A few days later once I finally got to meet my girl and have her all to myself without the tangle of tubes, I called my friend and thanked her profusely for being such a true friend. But she answered, "No, thank you. You were the one being a true friend. You thought enough of our friendship that you were willing to wake me up in the middle of the night. You were a good enough friend that you were willing to 'inconvenience' me. Thank YOU."

Our lives can be consumed by distress and difficulties - personal family struggles, having too much on our plates, difficulties managing our kids or careers, health concerns, and financial strains. We can sometimes see disaster on the horizon, advancing towards us, and our chest tightens as life comes at us so fast. But God has created community for us to call on, even in the middle of the night. Are you willing to inconvenience a faithful friend in order to live in authentic community? That is what God has designed for us. But so often our pride gets in the way and we decide we can just suffer it alone, for fear of being a burden. Or perhaps we can't bring ourselves to admit overwhelm and risk being seen as not having it all together. It is far greater to endure it alone and protect the facade of "fine" rather than letting the pain be seen. Who has had these thoughts? My hand is raised high.

But we are missing out on one of the greatest gifts that God has given to us from the very beginning of creation - community that is centred around Him and the Gospel. We can't experience the richness of this community unless we allow ourselves to reveal the brokenness that we all have. In fact, in one of the best descriptions of a faithful community, Paul says "rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn". We are literally instructed to do this as people who believe in Jesus. Look at the whole section before this - it is a brilliant call to authentic community!

"Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in love. Honour one another above yourselves. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with the Lord's people who are in need. Practise hospitality. Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud..." (Romans 12:9-16a)

DO NOT BE PROUD. Do not regard yourself as not worthy of being loved enough to ask for help, prayer, support, food, counsel. This is the community that God wants us to live in. Not one full of mask-faced people pretending everything is "fine". NO! It is okay not to be okay. It is okay to be a burden sometimes. We will carry you when you can't carry on.